February 15, 1998

Political Correctness Hits Tobacco But Ignores Alcohol

Tobacco is not the first victim of political correctness, nor likely the last; but it is perhaps the most irrational.

We are reminded of a piece of doggerel whose author is long forgotten, but it expresses the sentiment of 40 million American smokers:

Tobacco is a dirty weed.

I like it.

It satisfies no mortal need.

I like it.

It makes you fat

It makes you lean

It’s the worst darn stuff

I’ve ever seen.

I like it.

Constitutionalists, addicted or not, disapprove of the do-good assault on personal liberty -- not forgetting the fourteenth amendment guaranteeing “equal protection of the laws.”

Tort lawyers and their clients, including Congress and the president, should remember that tobacco is a legal product, with a legal right to advertise and distribute without confiscatory taxes or excessive regulations.

If cigarettes, cigars et al are so evil, Washington nannies have an obligation to declare tobacco illegal and ban its production.

Not likely. Cash cows are sacred.

The hullabaloo began when Florida Gov. Lawton Chiles and his legal eagles successfully sued the tobacco companies. The argument was that Medicaid costs of treating patients suffering from nicotine problems inflicted undue costs on the state. The award -- not yet collected -- is $11.3 billion.

Forty other states jumped on the gravy train. Airline stewardesses and their lawyers won big bucks for the harm caused by “second-hand smoke” from passengers. Seeing no end to a popular, political crusade, tobacco companies agreed to settle pending claims for $368.5 billion in return for protection from all future suits.

The federal government would get $175.5 billion. Forty one states would divvy up the remaining $193 billion, after subtracting $14.5 billion in lawyers’ fees.

As one might expect, all monetary recipients began fighting among themselves about their shares. In Florida, for example, private lawyers expected to receive one-fourth of the billions awarded -- approximately $200 million per attorney. This equates to $14,000 per hour for claimed legal services.

A bi-partisan group of Congressmen have co-sponsored a bill to limit legal fees in the multi-state deal to $150 an hour, or not more than one-tenth of one-percent of the total $368.5 billion. Hopefully, this will set a precedent for all future class-action suits.

President Clinton is depending upon the federal share of a tobacco deal to “balance” the budget while providing $100 billion for new social spending.

No one should mortgage the old homestead on the outcome. Trial lawyers not in on the deal oppose the provision capping legal fees in tort cases.

“The deal is an unconstitutional sham,” declares Richard Hailey, president of the Association of Trial Lawyers of America, in the Wall Street Journal. “Congress must ensure that citizens’ existing legal rights will be preserved; no caps will imposed on damage awards; and tobacco will be subject to unfettered Federal Department of Agriculture regulation.”

Such unashamed plea for big government regulation of everything lawyers, lobbyists and legislators can think up is frightening.

In addition to endless legal intimidation, Clinton proposes to further control cigarette indulgence by an additional tax of $1.20 per pack. Congressional Democrats want to make it $1.50 per pack.

The average tax on a pack of cigarettes is already about $2 per pack. It is interesting to note that many states are rushing their own, additional taxes on cigarettes before the feds pre-empt the source. An ultimate $10 per pack is seriously debated.

Proponents of usury taxes on cigarettes, and other tobacco products, make contradictory claims for such confiscation:

• High taxes will produce billions of dollars in revenue.
• High taxes will discourage smoking.

As usual, government nerds fail to take into account the effect of taxpayer-rationality. Smokers, like alcohol drinkers, will not give up their addiction. They will devise clever ways to circumvent onerous regulations. Some of us old-timers remember Prohibition institutions: bootlegging, speak-easies, home brew, rum running and bathtub gin.

High taxes inspire evasion and less revenue.

If tobacco is delegitimized we can be certain of smuggling, secret plantings back in the hills and discrete smoking parlors run by guys named Joe.

Alcohol is, by far, the most serious social hazard; yet we tolerate it benignly.

The government does impose a stiff tax and controls distribution closely.

Nevertheless, restrictions are less harsh, relatively, than those to be laid on tobacco.

Distillers are not sued for Medicaid costs stemming from cirrhosis of the liver, delirium tremens or trauma injuries in automobile accidents. Tobacco may kill in a matter of years. Alcohol-related automobile injuries are instantaneous and often fatal.

Health warnings have been printed on every pack of cigarettes for 30 years. Smokers indulge at their own risk. If the costs of our follies are reimbursable by government, then we should inflict penalties on fat producers -- principal agent of heart attacks. Dairies should be liable for butter and ice cream, bakeries for donuts and custard pies, food processors for potato chips and mayonnaise.

Go get ‘em, officer. I don’t smoke or drink, but I’m hooked on chocolate mousse. A million dollars recompense sounds about right. I’m not greedy.

PARTING SHOTS

A person’s right to smoke ends where the next person’s nose begins.

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In a contingency tort suit, if you lose, the lawyer gets nothing. If you win, you get nothing.

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A daredevil lifting off from St. Louis crashed in Russia while trying to float around the world in a hot-air balloon. He should have launched from Washington, D.C., where he could have gotten a bigger volume of lifting power.

By Lindsey Williams, columnist for Sun Coast Media Group newspapers