February 8, 2004

Super Bowl Sleaze a Symptom of Decadence

 Some call it "bra-ha-ha" and others say "Nipplegate." These are clever, but a correct description of the Super Bowl half-time show is "Juvenile Porn."

Grownups who watched were astonished, offended or outraged. Take your pick. I say, all of the above -- plus depraved.

For those readers adrift in a lifeboat last week, know that Janet Jackson, aging sister of pop-icon Michael Jackson, was the center of a cheap, tasteless dance stunt.

Her gruesome partner was Justin Timberlake, another no-talent alter-ego for half-grown kids and adults weaned too early.

As the climax to a seemingly endless bump-grind-grope routine, Timberlake snatched strategically at Ms. Jackson’s black leather garment – described as a "bustier" by panting journalists.

Those knowledgeable about ladies underwear explain that bustiers prop up inadequate bosoms -- in contrast to hoisting by brassieres. See how awkward it is to talk about matters best left unmentioned?

Timberlake’s impulsive grab opened the bustier, thus exposing Ms. Jackson’s right breast. Her anatomy is nothing to immortalize in statuary, but audacity sells well in the open market.

Sadly we have let exhibitionists set the standard for our behavior – fixation about "boobs." No wonder the rest of the world sneers about American culture.

 Foreigners have the same problems with their juveniles. However, they try to keep it to a passing phase rather than a lingering aberration.

Also featured was a dancer wearing an American flag as a poncho tossed aside at the climax. Don’t entertainers know that using the flag as a garment is disrespectful – as is tossing it to the ground?

On second thought, I guess they do.

We are told the 12-minute show was televised around the world to an audience of 100 million. It would have been a blur of forgettable songs and tribal dances without a defining shocker.

What ever happened to "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" and the "Tennessee Waltz?"

If you denigrated that last line, you are part of the problem.

Commercials costing $2.9 million for 30 seconds catered mostly to smut. These were interspersed with some great football plays. (Oh, yes, the New England Patriots and Carolina Panthers also performed.)

The Anheuser-Bush beer company ran the most delightful commercial. A little donkey aspires to trot with the huge, beautiful Clydesdale horses famous for pulling an oversize wagonload of beer barrels.

With animation help, the donkey is fitted with white fringes over its hooves and hitched to a miniature cart carrying a six-pack.

From this winner, Anheuser-Bush descended to the nadir of crudity with its Bud Beer commercials. (1) A horse passes bowel wind – with sound effect – into the face of a beautiful woman. (2) Another segment involves a dog that clamps its jaws on man’s crotch and chews until the victim relinquishes his bottle of Bud. (3) Still another ad descends into bestiality when an ape propositions sex to a woman.

Anheuser-Bush Budweiser ads should be banned from television forever. They give beer drinkers a bad name.

The commercials for "erectile dysfunction" scraped bottom, so to speak. Surely boys and girls watching the program were well educated thereby. The disclaimer of one ad was hilarious: "If the effect lasts more than four hours, see your doctor."  Ugh!  

To cap everything tasteless, a professional "streaker" dashed onto the playing field just after the show. The Golden Palace gambling site on the computer web gloated over their name painted on his ample epidermis. Bring back Janet.

CBS television -- that bought exclusive broadcast rights from the National Football League -- says it apologizes. It’s down-and-dirty affiliate, MTV cable, says it apologizes. The Viacom Corporation, that owns CBS and MTV, says it apologizes.

Ms. Jackson and Mr. Timberlake say they apologize to "any one" offended by their antics – as if such sour pusses are few in number and blue-nosed too boot.

Federal Communications Commission chief Michael K. Powell says he will consider levying a $27,500 fine on CBS – and maybe on each of the network affiliates. The latter would be a tidy multi-million-dollar kitty.

NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue promises to change league policies to prevent a repeat of last week’s disaster.

For starters, he can refuse any bid by CBS for next year’s extravaganza.

We can always return to high-school bands at half-time and Alka-Seltzer commercials.

Lindsey Williams is a Sun columnist who can be reached at linwms@lindseywilliams.org