Old comedy - like old wine, and old columnists   - gets better with age.

Oh wad some power the gifte gie us

To see oursels as ithers see us!

It wad frae monie a blunder free us,

An' foolish notion.

Everyone has a favorite story that is dusted off once a year to vaccinate against materialism of Christmas holidays.

Consider the power of a spiral carved on boulders and bracelets, or traced on fields and floors.

The penchant of politicians for monikers is historic and widespread - starting with the Father of Our County, Old Hickory and Tippecanoe. More recently Americans coined The Gipper, JFK and just plain W.

A disease more frightening than cancer is Alzheimer's - named for the doctor who first recognized its cause as a fatal withering of the brain.

The greatest Irish balladeer of all time was not an Irishman at all, but Ernest R. Ball of Cleveland, Ohio, who wrote "Mother Machree" and scores of other popular melodies reeking of The Old Sod.

"We sawed off the back of the skull, and into our hands dropped the brain - completely and perfectly preserved!"

Though every aspect of George Washington's life and deeds has been thoroughly recorded, very little has been noted about the one document written by him about himself -- his last will and testament.

It's a shame the gourmet's of the world don't unite to present an annual award to the Best Restaurant Of The Year.

We were somewhat startled this week to read of the strange coincidences surrounding the assassinations of President Lincoln and President Kennedy.

The controversy of prayer in governmentally supported institutions grow ever more heated. How did we arrive at this contretemps?

In real life there is often a thin line between tragedy and mystery.  Such are the circumstances surrounding the fate of Flight 19 recalled by the recent recovery of a World War II Navy torpedo bomber from the sea bottom near Key West.

Journalism is said to be the second oldest profession – people’s curiosity about themselves, their government and commerce being so compelling.

Controversy in Oklahoma between "pure bred" Seminole Indians and "adopted" black slaves continues over federal recompense for lands seized in Florida 148 years ago.

Johnny Nakamura was a Nisei - first generation of native-born Japanese parents - and one of my schoolmates. He was killed in World War II fighting Germans in Italy.

Happy Columbus Day -- but, let's not get carried away. After all, Cristoforo Colombo was johnny-come-lately in the American discovery business.

Odyssey of the White House oval office desk - from the ghost ship HMS Resolute to Queen Victoria to President George W. Bush - borders on the eerie.

Of all the snowbirds who winter in Florida, the most delightful are Canadians.  They are universally courteous and friendly visitors - unlike a few native Americans who apparently feel they are family with privileges.

How much would you pay for exclusive access rights to the  historic Erie Canal still functioning nicely between Buffalo and Albany, New York?

War correspondents today owe a lot to the pioneer work of William Russell for the London Times during the Crimean War of 1854 - even though the risks are greater.

First off: George Washington did NOT chop down a cherry tree. The fable had young Washington 'fessing up to "barking" his father's prized sapling.

James Whitcomb Riley was the first - and greatest - American poet to write of contemporary life in sentimental/humorous dialect. He got his start with a literary hoax unsurpassed in creative audacity.

Of all Christmas accounts -- after that of the Bible -- none is more gripping than the Christmas Truce of 1914 during the Great War in Europe.

This is going to be a short piece this week because I'm going fishing.  I've been too long away from the wily trout, and my equipment needs looking after.

Hurricane Charley devastated many historic structures in Punta Gorda – the greatest loss being the First Baptist Church built in 1891. It was the oldest church building in Charlotte County.

One would think it impossible to set a creek on fire. But that was only a minor challenge for Cousin Charley.

The New Curiosity Shop, having accumulated an overstock, herein offers a sometimes clearance sale. The lot consists of odds and ends a columnist accumulates but cannot find for them a specific use.  

The management accepts printables on consignment.

A few U.S. Navy "tin can" sailors gathered at Punta Gorda's Veterans Memorial Garden the other day to commemorate shipmates and a unique class of ships that helped win the World War II battle of North Atlantic.

Folks said Uncle Athanatious didn’t have enough sense to come in out of the rain. However, neither would you if you were in his business.

LAST OF TWO PARTS

Sitting around a bonfire on a summer night telling "ghost" stories is great fun - until you move from the realm of fiction to mysterious, supernatural events that really happened.

Are there "mystery patterns" in life that shape coming events?

Emphatically, I do not believe in fortune telling, astrology or precognition.

Dr. David Livingstone of Scotland, the great African missionary, narrowly escaped with his life in an Arab slave-raid near Lake Victoria in early 1871.

Stop the press!

Re-plate for Dagwood Bumstead's favorite sandwich recipe.

It is reported that the U.S. Postal Service is considering raising the cost of a first-class stamp by a nickel to 42 cents. Lysander Spooner must be spinning in his grave.

The custom of Memorial Day came out of the Civil War - a conflict similar to the Vietnam War in the depth of self-doubt it generated among Americans.

It was a shock to discover there was no Santa Claus! Nonetheless, there was compensation for the truth.

War against international terrorism - by Americans virtually alone - is a tradition harking back to the early days of the United States when the infant Marine Corps earned its proud hymn:

When we push back our chairs from the Thanksgiving table on Thursday we mentally will congratulate the Pilgrims for inventing such a sumptuous feast - even though the menu then was considerably different.

As noted in this space recently, Manatee County - which included today's Charlotte -- was deeply involved in the 1876 Hayes/Tilden electoral vote controversy.

The flying saucer controversy is heating up again with a mysterious sighting of "space ships" over Alaska by the crew of a Japan Air Lines cargo plane.

Flying saucers are back in the news a little more frequently these days, keeping alive the interest of the public in this strange phenomena.

With all due respect for Thomas A. Edison, Nikola Tesla was an equal, if not greater, American inventor. Edison is highly lauded. Tesla is nearly forgotten.

Quick! Who was the first president of the United States?

My friend Luther Miller is a perceptive observer of contemporary society, so when he says there are four houses in America NOT for sale I am sure he has something more on his mind than real estate.

Want to win an argument with your wife?  Sell an idea to your boss?  Write a persuasive editorial?  Represent your nation in a foreign capitol?

Conjunction of the holiday season, a Christmas card and the heavy snow in Ohio -- where I published a string of hometown newspapers for many years -- brings Ollie Saffle to mind.

As we pack away the Christmas ornaments for another year let me suggest something for next year - a Santa Claus suit complete with beard.

It's a fun thing.

Plymouth Rock is a deserving American shrine, but the legends surrounding it - and the so-called Pilgrims who stepped on it - are not as interesting as the facts.

Gen. George Washington, now revered Father of Our Country, was not universally respected when he was leading the War For Independence.

Grandpa Jerry Williams was a great admirer of Saint Paul and would not have invoked the name of the revered apostle deliberately to frighten the wits out of a St. Louis drummer.  Besides, Grandpa had to replace the church-yard gate and repair the steeple.

Undoubtedly it’s a great thrill to soar in a hot- air balloon, but not likely equal to the sensation that Archangel Gabriel created when he dropped in unexpectedly on Aunt Emma Joyner.

Not so long ago, an American president's health was a state secret lest his sniffles induce pneumonia in the body politic.

"Two things turned Cuba into a communist country," said Nellie and Lolo, two charming sisters who fled their homeland shortly after Fidel Castro took over in 1959.

Listen my children, and you shall hear, about the midnight ride of Sybil Ludington!

Sybil Ludington?

Great Aunt Lucinda was justly proud of being the only lady Freemason in captivity.

Mama Lindsey was a “herb granny” who knew all about wild plants that cured whatever ailed you – such things as murdock tea for fever, mustard plaster for croup and pokeberry for skin infections.

Ask Grandpa Monroe Barnes, “How are you?” and his answer would be, “I’m walking in high cotton.”

It wasn’t that Cousin Charley was mean, or even irreligious. He just had a hard time figuring out where fun left off and devilment started.

Americans were a cantankerous lot in our early days – rebelling often against central government authority.

Judge Harley has lived vividly in my memory because of the way he solved the Firewood Caper -- and discovered the spirit of Christmas in the aftermath.

Some members of Congress, and many Americans, have no problem with banning prayer in schools, but when the courts start messing around with the Pledge of Allegiance - look out!

The Benjamin Franklin fan club will now come to order.

We gather on what would be his 279th birthday Jan. 17 - not to honor his achievements as a stuffy patriot, but to relish his irreverent advice as a columnist.

How’s you’re aha! Power?

Aha! is the buzz-word used by psychologists to describe creative insight. It illustrates the exclamation we utter when we suddenly behold the answer to a perplexity.

A popular blurb on the World Wide Web touts the religious significance of the Washington Monument.

I can't believe Dear Abby has retired from the advice column business. I thought she was immortal.

Hurrah for the Declaration of Independence proclaimed July 4, 1776! - or was it July 2, or Aug. 2, or Oct. 10, 1774?

It might seem indelicate to discuss women's underwear in public, but the subject was a key issue in the historic "women's rights" movement.  

Florida might not have become a retirement haven except for the invention of Dr. John Gorrie of Apalachicola.

Was it murder, or an untimely death from smallpox, that squelched an all-Indian 14th state of the Union?

Tom Molineaux was a black slave who would have been the first American heavyweight boxing champion of the world hut for a tragic accident.

The Fifth Saturday Anomalists - a local think tank held to just 12 men and women of diverse backgrounds - tackled God last week and lost.

When I've had a belly full of the complexities of current events I find a jazz band in some out of the way place and retreat for awhile into melody with a big beat.

The surest historical fact about Jesus of Nazareth is that he was crucified in 35 A.D. by the Romans for sedition.

Another year has gone by without me getting horse-whipped — though on two occasions I was threatened with that or some other physical violence approximating it.

“Glory! Glory!”

Grandfather Steve was proud to be the town’s gravedigger. It was a sacred duty meriting the appreciation and respect of his neighbors.

Some folks save stamps, art glass or 1950 Chevys; but I cotton to roadside signs - particularly Mail Pouch barns and Burma Shave ditties.

You can take a boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy.

It appears that the "Tom Swift" and "Wizard of Oz" books - popular with kids for most of the last century - are finally to be replaced by "Harry Potter."

The first settlers of Ohio would swear bitterly when visitors from the east coast spoke of Lord Cornwallis' surrender that "ended" the War for Independence.

A moderate amount of success in advancing the proper methods of cooking eggs and hamburgers some months ago emboldens me to strike a blow for civilized treatment of southern fried chicken and coffee.

Perhaps there are a lot worse places than Indianapolis to be cast adrift in your BVDs, but Dad didn't know where that was.

Question: If a dog is man's best friend, and diamonds are a girl's best friend, which is the dumber sex?

The strangest reminder of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, exactly 44 years ago today, rests all but forgotten on a Key West side street.

Distilling “moonshine” has been a thriving business in these parts for many moons – so to speak. Where corn and sugar cane grew, whiskey was a favored by-product if not a principal objective.

It is said that the solons of Washington, D.C., are talking about raising the revenue tax on booze to fight the budget deficit.

The Interstate Highway System is an engineering marvel that surely would astound Delaware Indian chief Nemacolin.

New Year resolutions come and go -- except for me.  

"May we walk with you and practice English?"

The ghost of George Washington must have smiled wryly last week as Congress rose to its feet after President Reagan's state of the union address and serenaded him with a "Happy Birthday" song.

The Chem Lawn Company hates me, but I am sure Mama Lindsey looks down from her throne in heaven to smile on her grandson who still observes the old rites of spring.

The Old Curiosity Shop herein offers its now-and-then clearance sale of unusual printables that a columnist accumulates but never finds for them a specific use.

It's a charming story - but Betsy Ross did not sew together the first American flag from a design by George Washington.

"We have four broken arrows!" exclaimed a voice on Alan Pope's telephone Jan. 17, 1966.

Strangely, our first "declared" war had no formal name until it was over.

Uncle Billy’s outhouse came by its fame deservedly.

Certainly it was the only one of its kind in the Boot Heel of Missouri, land of my birth.

The presidential election now drawing to a close has generated fierce, partisan feelings; but no one has lost an ear. Great-grandfather Pap would consider this year’s campaigns tame stuff.

The new film "Pearl Harbor" fails to mention a startling prediction by a newspaper reporter 16 years before the Dec. 7, 1941, sneak attack by Japan.

General Sherman would have loved Uncle Smack’s perpetual motion machine. It was one more blow for the Union -- 65 years after the War of Northern Aggression a.k.a. the Civil War.

Here we go again!

Another catastrophe, another phony prediction by the still famous sixteenth-century prognosticator Michel de Nostredame - Nostradamus by common usage.

The great humorist Will Rogers had the right outlook on politics: "There is nothing wrong with a political joke as long as he doesn't get elected."

Robins are OK as a sign of Spring, but I know the season begins when Buckeye sons file their petitions for political office March 23.

But for a tragic accident, Tom Molineaux would have been the first American heavyweight boxing champion of the world.  And thereby hangs a wonderful story uncovered by Historian John Bangs.

It always is a pleasure when readers take the trouble to add important information to the local histories and off-beat topics offered in this space. Even criticisms are appreciated.

Inasmuch as my thought-projection power of appreciation is not yet perfected, I hereby resort to the printed word - along with an apology for grievous procrastination.

Keep your Christmas trees, frosty snow men and red - nosed reindeer.

I yearn for an old fashion Christmas pie full of plums that stick nicely to the thumb.

Luckily I found the recipe in a box of Happiness Thoughts manufactured by a host of wise men.  I pass it along in hope you enjoy my Happy Holiday treat:

Remember Pearl Harbor?

Thirty years ago this week - on Dec.  7, 1941 - Americans had this place and this date etched in their memory.

Every age has its heroes and its geniuses.

Some of these outstanding personalities flash but briefly through the historical firmament.

"We are taking part in one of the biggest quiz shows in history," says Ted Berndt, dynamic president of the advertising and sales promotion agency bearing his name.

"Life is short and full of blisters," sighed the elderly southern gentlemen as we exchanged confidences about our various problems.

"Away across the endless prairie a black speck appears against the sky. It is plain that it moves. Well, I should think so! " wrote Mark Twain in 1860 as a stagecoach traveler.

FIRST OF TWO PARTS

The events of Sept. 11, and the three months since, have made Americans all too familiar with the sad-sweet refrains of the bugle call "Taps."

The wonderful thing about seeds is that they multiply prolifically and -- like the Biblical loaves and fishes -- can quickly feed a multitude of hungry people.

Newspaper publishers were early converts to the feminist movement inasmuch as lady journalists were good with words and related easily to pathos which boosted circulation.

The Ben Franklin fan club will come to order, with apologies for having delayed the 293rd anniversary celebration of his birth January 17.  

In deference to the strange custom of saving good reading for the summer, following are some reviews of new books written by friends about history.

Just suppose you were God, with the power to create life!

News from science now brings us face to face with this awesome possibility.

There are two kinds of people in this world.

Takers.

And givers.

The takers eat better!

Good Dog Ginger is dead.

She died as she had lived for 16 years - quietly under a bush without trouble to anybody.  

If there is anything that will poop a party, a polecat is it.

American planes pioneered desert air war tactics

Punta Gorda resident James "Pat" Garofalo - a "Desert Warrior" of World War II - follows Desert Storm operations in the Mideast with special interest.

William Hemmerle of Punta Gorda was especially interested in last Tuesday's transit of Venus - having outlived a prediction that he would never see it.

The recent earthquakes in Turkey which killed nearly 3,000 people set me to wondering about one of the great mysteries of history — did Atlantis really exist?

Of all the Christmas miracles - historical and, legendary - the Star of Bethlehem has been one of the most intriguing to theologians and astronomers.

Some people become famous for great achievements while others find a place in our collective memory by identification with processes inelegant.

When did the heroes steal out of your life?

If you are an average American you have no heroes at all.  There is no person that you hold up to your children as an example to follow.

In the strange way of bureaucrats, Amtrak President Alan Boyd cut out five more proud passenger trains recently and announced the national train network "is here to stay."

Axed were the Hilltopper, National Limited, Lone Star, Hiawatha and Floridian.

Likely you have smiled many times at whirligigs as you drove past them in someone's yard -- without knowing you were admiring a 10,000-year-old folk-art form.

The boys of summer are at again. Whom can we bless for the Great American Pastime?

Every one knows that the Wright brothers, Orville and Wilbur, invented the airplane.

Or was it the legendary Greek hero Daedalus and his son Icarus?

One of the pesky things with which journalists wrestle is verbatim statements by sources -- as indicated by quote marks.

Now that Presidents Day has come and gone, let’s put the record straight. George Washington was not our first president.

President Ronald Reagan is tagged fondly as "The Gipper" as the result of his movie portrayal of Notre Dames' legendary football player. The nickname is so firmly attached to the president that the real Gipper is nearly forgotten.

“I gather me a bouquet of other men’s posies.

Only the tie that binds them is my own.”

The mid-season All-Star baseball game was declared a 7-7 tie between the National and American leagues because each side had run out of pitchers – sort of.

The Alchemists' ancient quest for a formula to turn lead into gold has never ceased, though the ingredients are updated periodically.

The deadliest hurricane to strike Florida occurred in September 1928 - washing away the Lake Okeechobee dike and drowning 1,836 men, women and children by actual count.